Why Is Shadow Work So Important?
““The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.””
Shadow work is a vital aspect of healing and personal transformation. In terms of healing Complex PTSD, it is vital that we learn to accept the various aspects of ourselves and our life experience so that we can lessen our trauma response and remain emotionally regulated as much as possible.
In life, there is much more to us than meets the eye. Humans are very complex beings and we are all full of contradictions. There are three main aspects of the self: the superego, also called the lower self or the shadow, the higher self, and the social mask. The lower self, also known as the inner critic, sits in judgment over everything and everyone…especially its host. The higher self is the true self and the social mask is the ídealized self that we show to the world. For those of us who suffer from CPTSD, the voice of the superego or inner critic is typically very loud, controlling and very abusive, and the voice of the true self, or healthy ego, is small and much more quiet. For us, also very present and more in charge than is ideal for us is the voice of the wounded inner child, who is also very disempowered, sad, helpless, and sometimes even hopeless. For us, the social mask may be even more solid and stubborn, as we are being driven by a much more demeaning inner critic than most other people.
The most important tranformational inner work we will ever do is to integrate the lower self or shadow, with the higher self and remove the social mask. Once we do this, we become liberated from the pain of inner darkness, limitation, and fear. This is the beginning of true freedom.
What Exactly Is the Shadow?
All of us have a shadow self. The shadow is a term coined by Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung which points to the “darker” aspects of the personality that we attempt to repress. The shadow is considered to be our dark side because it consists of “darker” drives and emotions such as anger, rage, greed, envy, sloth, lust, and selfishness. The shadow self is comprised of any aspects of ourselves that we have disowned, and while most of them are darker traits and drives, some are actually light as well. We disown these parts of ourselves, assuming that when we decide that we no longer want them as part of our experience, that they will magically go away. This is not the case.
Many if not most of our shadow aspects are denied by us because of conditioning from our caregivers and from society. From a very early age, we receive conditioning from our families, our teachers, the church, and the media. We are barraged by messages about what is “good or bad” and “right or wrong” and we are taught over and over again that if we walk a straight line and are good in the way others want us to be that we will be loved and maybe go to heaven when we die. Conversely, we are told that if we misbehave or if we are bad that we will be punished, maybe even to the point of those we love withdrawing their love, and we may go to hell when we die. These ideas are cemented for us over and over again throughout our childhood and are a dominant part of our conditioning telling us how to behave and how to be in the world.
For example, we may throw a tantrum when we are very young because we are feeling frustrated from being tired and our caregivers might yell at us and tell us to stop feeling that way and to calm down. In this way, we get the message loud and clear that the emotion of frustration and anger is not appropriate and so we learn quickly to repress, along with our needs, since the love and care of our caregivers are more important than our own needs. After all, we need them in order to survive, so we are willing to do anything, even to betray ourselves, in order to remain in their favor.
When we repress and deny aspects of ourselves, we are attempting to get rid of them, to banish them from our experience. This does not work, and in fact, it makes the problem much worse. This is because these parts of us have nowhere to go…they are a part of us, so when we push them away and refuse to allow them to express themselves, we are simply pushing them into the shadow, the unconscious, where they will drive our experiences in ways that we cannot know, which is a frightening reality. This is a scary proposition because what happens is that all that we refuse to accept and allow will wreak havoc in our lives, causing us a lot more pain. The shadow is what drives our addictions, lies, deceit, affairs, dishonesty, depression, and anxiety.
When we repress a tendency or emotion, what happens is that the volume on that particular emotion or tendency gets turned way up. It gets exaggerated. For example, the woman who feels shame for loving sex will act out in overtly promiscuous ways because she is not at peace with this part of herself. Another example is the man who has never dealt with his feelings of rage from childhood abuse who is a heroin addict. Since he never faced his fears of confronting his past and healing his emotional scars, they control his life. He has no choice but to numb the pain with drugs.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
CARL JUNG
My Shadow Dream
I had a powerful dream a few years ago which is a good example of what happens with the shadow. I was alone in an abandoned school and walked down to the basement where I heard some noises coming from one of the sealed doors. It was pretty scary because they were howling and making all kinds of unpleasant sounds and were trying to escape. I awoke from the dream, and since I know how to work with dreams, I went right back into the dream in my mind. I opened the sealed door to find contorted, monstrous beings there who were very scary. I knew right away what they were. These were my own shadow aspects that I had disowned and locked away. There were a few of them, so I took them, one by one, and apologized for locking them away in this dark basement alone, embracing them in love as I did. As I embraced each one, they transformed into innocent, loving young aspects of myself. They were not monsters at all. They were parts of myself that I had been missing.
This dream provides an excellent analogy. When we repress and attempt to rid ourselves of parts we don’t like, we push them into the unconscious, which is symbolized by the basement in my dream. If we locked actual human children into a dark basement alone for years, let them scream and yell to be released, refusing to rescue them, they too would change form. They would not appear as cute, innocent children after being in the darkness this way for years…they would become contorted, angry, frightening versions of themselves. They would likely seem subhuman, at best.
The fact that we have denied the existence of our shadow and have left them alone in the darkness is what makes them seem monstrous. Yet, when we go in to release them, opening to them in kindness and love, they completely change form. This is because all they want from us, all they ever have wanted from us is to be with us and to be loved and accepted by us…that is it. This is all it takes to transform them. When we allow them, they don’t have to scream and throw fits anymore trying to get our attention. Their needs are being met, at last.
“What you resist, persists.”
CARL JUNG
It really is this simple. Yes, it is challenging and fear-provoking, but it is simple. You see, what we resist persists, plain and simple. As I said, the shadow parts have nowhere to “go” and so they get pushed into the far reaches of our being and create problems – essentially they are yelling and screaming for liberation… this is the only way they can let us know that they want us to free them. They just want our love, acceptance and to be allowed to express through us. That’s it.
What Happens When We Say “Yes” To Our Shadow Aspects?
Many people fear that if they allow their shadow out into the light of day, it will create a lot of problems in their life. It may feel like they will take over our experience, and we will lose all control over our lives. The opposite is true. The truth is that this is what has already been happening…they have been in control because of our repression of them. When we allow them to be a part of our life, they calm down…they become at one with us, and with this integration comes many gifts.
These parts of ourselves that we may have repressed perhaps for decades actually contain our greatest light and creativity. They hold everything that we may have felt we lacked a connection to in our lives. You see, you cannot have light without the darkness. There is a balance in everything in the Universe. It’s the yin and yang. Once freed and integrated into our being with our other aspects, they completely transform into more love, more light, more inspiration, more creativity, and more freedom. This transformation is immediate and provides true liberation.
A Helpful Analogy
I love to paint, so I love this analogy. Imagine always painting pictures with the same bright, light shades all of the time. Your painting might be pretty, but it would be lacking depth and contrast. The darker shades bring another dimension, a richness, an earthy quality that enriches the work of art. It brings balance and harmony. Life is the same way – it is not all pretty and light, there are always darker shades to our life experience. Our lives are our works of art, so we want to embrace and welcome the full spectrum of color that we have available to us. If we can learn to welcome and even love our own darkness, we can also learn to love the darker, more painful aspects of our external experiences.
How Can We Recognize Our Shadow?
Since the shadow is seen as being irrational, reactive, and instinctive, it is prone to psychological projection, where we perceive the aspect of ourselves that we do not like to be appearing in another person. Whatever we disown in ourselves automatically will get projected onto those around us. It may seem, for example, that your friend is judging you, but in fact, that feeling of being judged is a byproduct of judging yourself. Do others judge? Of course, they do, but if someone else seems to be judging you, that is a byproduct of their own internal experience and in fact, has nothing at all to do with you.
The trick to owning our shadow aspects is to watch our reactivity in our relationships. When we are triggered by something another person does or says, it is a sign that they may well be triggering a shadow for us. Instead of blaming the other person or lashing out at them, the inner work is to go within ourselves and do what is needed in order to integrate our own shadow that has been reflected to us in the mirror of external reality. Once we stop rejecting parts of ourselves and projecting them onto the world at large, we can truly find peace and empowerment.
Another way to recognize our shadow at work is to pay attention to our need to defend ourselves. Sometimes others point out our character flaws to us and we get upset with them and tell them that they are wrong or we attempt to defend ourselves in some other way. This is a sure sign that our shadow has been triggered. When we give in and defend ourselves, as usual, we are deepening the pattern and are actively pushing the shadow away.
The Social Mask
The social mask is a facade that we put up for the world to see. The social mask is made up of those aspects of ourselves that we want others to see. This is based on things that we feel are more socially acceptable and likable than the parts of ourselves that we have banished into the shadow. For example, if we feel like we are inherently not enough, we might compensate for that feeling of lack by being overachievers or if we feel shame because we feel like we party too much, we may hold up a mask of being a good girl.
There are many issues with the social mask. First, when we are utilizing it for protection, it keeps us from being authentic and true to ourselves and forces up to maintain the lie we live. We have to go on lying to ourselves and lying to the world about who we truly are until we decide we have had enough. There is always a feeling that we must do whatever necessary in order to maintain our charade, and it is stressful and exhausting. Ultimately, when we do this we are betraying ourselves and are living a lie that costs us happiness, well-being, and the inner peace that we so desperately seek. Eventually, usually as a result of hitting middle age or through some sort of major upheavals such as an illness, death or other loss, we hit up against the wall of resistance that helped to create this mask, and we realize that we are no longer willing to live a lie. While this is painful and difficult, it is the beginning of our freedom.
Why Would I Want To Do This Work To Integrate My Shadow?
Shadow work is the most important spiritual and psychological work we will ever undertake. Once we stop rejecting parts of ourselves, we can stop rejecting others and return to unity consciousness within ourselves, with others and with life. This work allows us to achieve oneness with our soul, and with that oneness comes the reward of being able to fully be ourselves without fear or restraint. When we walk through life in total vulnerability in this way, we feel empowered, confident, creative, at peace with ourselves and with life. This is the ultimate liberation, and this work is desperately needed on our planet at this time. To do shadow work is to do away with the duality consciousness that is the cause of all division, all wars, and all hatred. It is the way to peace. The work we do to love ourselves informs the world outside of us…after all, we are all one. We do not need to change the world, we only need to change ourselves.
We all want abundance in our lives…happiness, joy, peace, fulfillment, creativity, financial stability, and health. There is no coming to the complete abundance that we seek without integrating our shadow first. Why is this? The shadow is made up of things like our inner saboteur and inner critic. We will have a conscious “yes” to our desires and an unconscious “no” and so the “no” creates resistance that we cannot move past until we actually transform the resistance by doing shadow work. These parts of ourselves can and will block us from the success and happiness that we seek until we do the work to integrate them.
Five Benefits of Shadow Work
1. Greater Access to Creativity:
The shadow self holds much of our creative energy, so when we do the work to integrate these aspects of ourselves, we gain access to the deep well of creative energy within us.
2. Improved Relationships:
When we have shadow aspects that we deny, they end up running the show much of the time, especially in terms of our relationships with others. We react tp the actions of others, taking things personally and to heart, when in reality, the actions of others usually have nothing at all to do with us. The things that others do are actually a reflection on them, not on us. When we do the much-needed shadow work of integration, we are not triggered as frequently, and so our relationships with others are impacted in positive ways. Once the shadow is no longer at play, we are free to connect with others in our lives in true intimacy, which deepens our connections.
3. More Energy and Vitality:
Our energy is drained when we are fighting parts of ourselves. It requires massive life force energy to hold at bay all of the parts of ourselves that we are trying to escape, and it requires even more energy to hold up the social mask. When we do the shadow integration work, we free up untold amounts of energy that we can use for things that are important to us.
4. Clearer Perception:
In doing shadow work, we have a greater capacity to see ourselves and others as we truly are. We are more able to view ourselves from a place of authenticity and balance, releasing ideas of “not-enoughness” or “better than” others. We finally become free to be who we truly are.
5. More Self-Confidence:
Self-confidence is something that we do not have access to when our shadow self is running the show. Once we do the work to integrate our shadow, we are free to be all of who we truly are, and with that freedom comes the self-belief to make our dreams come true.
There are a few steps to shadow work, which I will cover in another post, but the main practice that you can begin to cultivate now that will greatly assist in the integration of your shadow is that of self-compassion. When we meet each moment and each part of ourselves with compassion, they soften. Compassion is truly the salve for all pain and all forms of fear. It is the antidote. Meet yourself with the same kind of love and compassion that you would meet your beloved with if they were in pain. Love actually does heal all wounds.
