3 Ways To Make Change Easier
“Change is never painful. Only your resistance to change is painful.”
Let’s face it, change is scary and it’s hard, and sometimes it comes without warning. We get so comfortable in our routines and we feel safe within them even if they aren’t ideal or good for us because they give us a false sense of security. It seems like when things are going relatively smoothly that we can predict what will happen next, and so many of us resist any change that comes our way. We convince ourselves when things are steady that we have control over the outer world, and it may seem accurate, but ultimately this is an illusion. The truth is that we are in control of very little in life. Other people do what they will do without our consent, we will lose jobs, relationships, our health, money, and eventually our very lives, and yet we fight to hold on every step of the way.
In reality, all things are impermanent – everything that rises up will fall away, and we don’t know when or how, but we know that it will at some point, although we frequently refuse to face this scary truth. It is the very definition of insanity that we all live in denial of this fundamental truth and instead insist that things go our way so that we can remain in our comfort zones. This denial of this basic truth of life is the very definition of madness and is the root cause of most of the suffering that happens within all human experience.
So what can we do? First, we must look head-on at the truth of our situation and become willing to accept the fact of impermanence – this is a powerful way to take charge of what power we do have. Once we truly begin to accept something, we become able to change it, but not until then. Since we cannot control the outer world, what can we control? The answer is ‘very little’, but the little that we can control makes a huge difference in our ability to feel empowered instead of feeling victimized by life.
Working with the following three things will make a world of difference as you navigate change:
1. Stop Resisting
When something happens that we don’t like, most of us resist it. We say ‘no’ and push back on reality. We may tell ourselves stories like, “it’s not fair”, “I can’t handle it”, “I wish this wasn’t happening” or “it shouldn’t be this way.” Essentially, we have a tantrum about what is happening, as if refusing to accept what is happening will keep it from happening, and it doesn’t work at all. What it does do is create more pain for us. Now we have the original pain of whatever we are resisting and on top of that we have our refusal to accept whatever it is, and this resistance locks us into our pain. What is the answer? The only way out of this conundrum is to accept that life is, in fact, unfair, and it does not seek our permission to throw our lives completely upside down. This unfairness is just a part of life, and when we learn to accept it, we take our power back and become able to be at peace with whatever is happening even if it is painful to us.
2. Feel Your Feelings Fully
When change comes, especially a sudden difficult change of some sort, it can trigger within us an array of challenging emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear. When intense emotions come up such as these, most people will resist them, going into a storyline about unfairness, unjustness, and such. When we go into stories like this, it keeps us from actually feeling and processing the emotions that we are experiencing, thereby keeping us stuck in a grief loop. When painful emotions arise, we must learn to open to them and feel them as fully as possible, staying out of the mind’s resistant stories about the emotions. Know that it is safe to feel these powerful emotions, and when we do, they actually provide a doorway into a deeper connection with ourselves and with life itself.
3. Take Control Over What You CAN
It’s funny that we demand control over the external world and yet most refuse to control what they actually can control. It seems as if we can get all of the chess pieces on the board to just stay still and do what we want them to do, that we will continue to feel fine, but as I said, we are not in control of other people, the government, our bosses, the economy or most things. What are we in control of? We are in control of our reactivity – the way we respond to events, we are in control of our self-care, what we say and what we do, and that’s about it, and how many of us actually take control over all of that as well as we can? Your point of power is in the present moment and in the choices you make. Are you eating a healthy diet? Are you getting enough quality sleep? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising regularly? Are you meditating? Are you monitoring your thoughts and emotions? Are you making conscious choices that grow you as a being? Are you kind in your communication with others? If the answer to these questions is ‘no’ or ‘not really,’ then these are excellent places for you to work to begin to feel in control of your life.
At the end of the day, the truth is that life is constant change and we can either embrace it wholeheartedly or we can resist it and insist that things remain the same. The choices made in each moment determine the level of inner peace and well-being that we experience. The choice is up to you.
