My Shame

Never satisfied. Always wanting. Never enough. Never just right. Never satisfied.

This part of me...

The hungry ghost. 

Starving... a hollow, gaping vortex...a black hole that would consume me if I allowed her to.

She pulls and pulls...always wanting.

Always hungry. Never satisfied. 

She only wants. Not knowing what, she only WANTS...she just wants something, ANYTHING to fill the void in her heart.

She is desperate. Voracious. Consuming. Never satisfied.

Desperate to fill the neverending, aching hollowness within...

I know that I need to love her, to embrace her and allow her to be a part of me. 

I know this will give me the relief from the pain that I so desperately seek. I KNOW that it would bring the healing I need.

And I know if I do not that she will destroy me.

And yet, SHE REPULSES ME. She TERRIFIES me. 

I fear if I allow her to be with me, to be a part of me, that she will take over, that she will consume me until there is nothing left of me.

She is hideous... a shriveled up version of a human infant, having been locked in the darkness for an eternity. 

Her eyes closed tight, never having seen the light of day or anything resembling love.

She is withered, gray, small... underdeveloped in every way. Inhuman, like a rodent.

She is my shame. 

The shame that feeds on my soul.

Never satisfied. Always wanting. Never enough. Never just right. Never satisfied.