The Window Of Tolerance

Life can get pretty crazy at times, and it can all feel like too much. Do you ever feel like you can’t take one more thing, that one more thing might just tip you over the edge of the sanity cliff? Me too! When things get tough, we may get anxious, angry, overwhelmed, depressed, or so bowled over by it all and not feel able to do anything we set our minds to do.

We cope with the stressors of daily life well when we have enough capacity, or space in our system to deal with the big emotions that result from those stressors. For those of us who have experienced trauma, especially complex trauma, it can be extra challenging to regulate our emotions so that we can function at an effective level. 

Dr. Dan Siegel developed the concept of the window of tolerance to describe the optimal zone of “arousal” to cope with the stressors of life. When we are operating within the window of tolerance, we can effectively cope with and manage our emotions, which is part of emotional regulation. When our system is already burdened from years or decades of coping with trauma, our window of tolerance is more narrow, and we may find ourselves flip-flopping frequently between states of hyperarousal (anxiety) and hypoarousal (zoned out.)

For trauma survivors, our systems are primed to detect threats and enter the state of defense to protect us from harm. We may find seemingly innocuous events and minor stressors that don’t seem to bother others around us can cause us to get angry, anxious, or dissociate. The past can still be a vivid and ever-present force in our lives, pulling us out of the present moment, and back into scenarios from childhood where we had no power, no agency, and likely no loving support. This is called an emotional flashback and is a big part of what happens to us when we become emotionally dysregulated. The stress of the traumatic trigger can throw us off kilter and into emotional dysregulation with no warning.

For example, our partner says something when we are upset that makes us feel like our feelings don’t matter to them. We know on a deep level that this is not true, that in fact they do care about us very much, but in that moment, we forget all of that, and all we can feel is the rage, fear, and sadness of not being understood, validated, or supported. These big emotions are a part of being outside of our window of tolerance, and they are a byproduct of past events that have yet to be fully healed. Until we heal and come to terms with our past, it will continue to haunt us in this way, and the work we do to widen our window of tolerance and regulate our nervous system goes a long way to helping us to do this very thing. 

What is Hyperarousal?

Hyperarousal is a heightened state of activation or energy and is the space of fight, flight, and freeze energy. Even though actual danger might not be present, our system kicks into overdrive because it senses danger. (remember that a traumatized and overburdened system will be super sensitive to danger and go into defensive mode when danger is perceived) This state is triggered by perceived threats, specific emotions, or traumatic memories, and is one of the main symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD. 

Many people are stuck in a state of hyperarousal, which can result in issues with sleep, challenges with concentration and focus, avoidance of certain situations, and difficulty managing emotions effectively. 

Symptoms of Hyperarousal

• Anger and angry outbursts

• Panic

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Tight muscles

• Shortness of breath

• Wanting to escape (feeling trapped or without agency)

• Hypervigilance (overthinking and fixation on potential threats)

• Deer in the headlights freeze 

What is Hypoarousal?

Hypoarousal is also known as the “collapse” or “shutdown” response. As with hyperarousal, it can be triggered when we sense danger or threat, traumatic memories, or strong emotions. The threat does not need to be real in order to trigger this response…a perceived threat is enough to throw us into a state of hypoarousal and into shutdown, dissociation, or collapse. 

Hypoarousal results when there is too little arousal in our system, which results from an overloaded parasympathetic nervous system. Hypoarousal can have a detrimental effect on sleep, self-care habits, ability to be creative or get work done, and can leave us feeling emotionally and socially withdrawn.

Symptoms of Hypoarousal

• Dissociation

• Depression

• Emptiness

• Doom scrolling

• Blank stare and affect

• Abandonment of self-care habits

• Isolation

• Sensations of emptiness

• Inability to speak or mobilize

What Can We Do To Widen our Window of Tolerance?

• Practice Mindfulness - One of the first things that can help with widening our window of tolerance is to practice mindfulness. With mindfulness, we can start to “track” where we are and what we are feeling, which includes noticing when we are outside of our optimal window. In this practice, we focus on being in the present moment with what is happening right now. One way to do this is through grounding with our senses…asking ourselves what we see, hear, feel, taste, and touch. Focusing on our breath, and on what is right in front of us helps us to come back to our bodies and present time where we can start the process of emotional regulation.

• Prioritize Health and Wellness - A state of well-being is something that we have to work to cultivate…it is not a given. We do this through our habits, such as having a healthy diet, movement and exercise, getting outside into nature, connecting with supportive friends and family members, pursuing creative hobbies, getting enough rest and sleep, and removing things from our lives that contribute to high-stress levels or dissociation.

• Practice Self-Compassion - The way that we speak to ourselves matters, and when we can be kind and compassionate with ourselves, it helps a lot. You do not need to have everything figured out, and you do not need to be perfect. Allowing yourself the space to be human and offering yourself the kindness that you would offer a loved one helps to relax our system and helps us to feel safer.

• Breathing Exercises - One way of breathing does not work for everyone, and for trauma survivors, doing certain forms of guided breathing can be triggering, sending us into a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Always listen to your body and do what feels best to you. One easy way is to take very full diaphragmic breaths and let the exhale be a bit longer since this helps to relax your system. Go at your own pace. Box breathing can also be helpful. 

Image Source: Mind Journal

• Reach Out For Support - We all need support at times, and when we are struggling, we need it all the more. Seeking professional help, especially from those trained in trauma-informed care, can be transformative. One of the many ways this kind of support can be helpful is that the healer/coach relationship provides a space of co-regulation, which can assist your system in feeling a sense of safety, which is vital in healing from trauma and in navigating emotional regulation. A good practitioner will also guide you and offer you tools and practices that will assist you in regulating your nervous system on your own. 

The Takeaway

Understanding and working with the window of tolerance is a critical concept in understanding how our nervous system responds to stress and emotional upheaval. It serves as a guide, helping us to recognize when we are approaching our limits and need to employ strategies for emotional regulation. By staying within our window of tolerance, we are better able to navigate the challenging terrain of stress and trauma with greater resilience, ultimately moving toward healing, recovery, and personal empowerment.

If you found this post helpful, you may like my free guide, “21 Practices To Help You Get Off the Emotional Roller Coaster.”

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